anymore///anyways

girl in amber-- nell smith and the flaming lips

the song

It’s my last year of college.

I work at the coffee shop in town.

I drive there, I don’t walk.

It’s a small town.

It’s a short walk.

But I’m in a hurry,

and sometimes when my shift ends it’s night.

And I’m a woman.

I’m a woman, and in the dark I am afraid.

Like many fears, I cannot tell if this one is well informed or just an excuse.

I drive.

In a car that doesn’t exist in the future, but that I will look for anyways

in passing cars and

in every car I own after.

Low on oil, I drive,

and for some reason

right now

I can’t stop listening to this song.

Listening to this song.

In the daylight

in the darkness

in the shop where I rule the aux

in the future where I remember

and I loop it again

in a different shop

in a different car

in the vast void of the internet

in your ears

sometimes when I’m not listening to the song I research it: The Flaming Lips meet teenage Nell Smith and build a Nick Cave cover album long distance. What? Who does that? I listen to Nick Cave, and then I stop listening to Nick Cave. I wonder why they chose Nick Cave. I familiarize myself with Tom Waits for unrelated reasons, and then I understand. I wonder if there was something strange powering the collaboration. She was so young. It feels like there’s a piece missing. Years pass. I write this.

Then

I go to get a video link for the song to add to the top of the post, and I find out that Nell Smith died. Car crash. 17. Still working on an album that was eventually released posthumously.

the song again.

#chewing the cud #music #words